Taming Your Crocodiles by Hylke Faber

Author:Hylke Faber
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Dover Publications
Published: 2018-05-22T04:00:00+00:00

Our crocodilian compensation strategies offer an important key to rebalancing ourselves. Instead of giving in to the crocodilian tendency that we most strongly relate to, which is often one-sided—either Yin or Yang—we cultivate the higher qualities from the opposite side and grow through them. We rebalance our Yin fix of pleasing by becoming more purposeful (Yang) and our Yang fix of overperforming by becoming more caring (Yin).

When I am faced with a challenge and I see that I am not achieving what is needed, I practice assertiveness and purposefulness, with humility—an owl Yang strength—as opposed to giving into my Lower Yin traits of pleasing and self-pity.

Conversely, if your Yang quality is stronger, you may tend to overwork and try to control others to get what you want when you are under stress. In that case, cultivate your caring Yin side and ask yourself: “How can we do this together? What does the other person need to perform well?”

We may notice that our crocodilian fixes vary by situation. For example, with our boss, we may fall into blame (Lower Yang) or pleasing (Lower Yin), while with our peers we may try to outperform (Lower Yang) or manipulate them (Lower Yin), and with our direct reports and subordinates we may try to control (Lower Yang) or coddle them (Lower Yin). Awareness is the key. Once we identify a crocodilian pattern, we can never un-see it, and our awareness brings about the next chapter of greater growth.

We can also practice developing Higher Yin and Yang by implementing one or all of the following practices:

1.Taking a moment to pause when we find ourselves caught in Lower Yin or Yang;

2.Visualizing and channeling a person who has strong Higher Yin or Yang qualities;

3.Going somewhere we feel safe and practice (e.g., role play) our Higher Yin and Yang there;

4.Breathing deeply to calm the crocodile;

5.Intentionally focusing on those Higher Yin or Yang qualities when we are in a tough situation.

Will we ever be done rebalancing ourselves? It is unlikely. There are always going to be new situations, like levels in a computer game, where the stakes are higher and our Lower Yin or Yang sides will be triggered. So where do we find continuous balance?

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